How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
