Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
