Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
