just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
