i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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