Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
