yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
