does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
