Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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