Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
