Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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