I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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