Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dear god my vagina.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
