you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
