So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
