I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
