so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
