i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
