i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
