He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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