I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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