i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
