Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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