My sheets look like a crime scene.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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