Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
