Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
