be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
