Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
