never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
