Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
