We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Randomize
