I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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