is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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