I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
