whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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