Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So vagazzling was a success
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
