Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
