hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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