Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We left the knife in your bed.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
