We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
