Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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