Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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