We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
