I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
