Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
