YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
