8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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