Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize