I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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