She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
