"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
