is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
