Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Can you bring me the toilet please
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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