I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
