I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
