he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
