You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
