fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
if only i could text you this smell
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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