bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I faked an abortion last night.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
