just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize