Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
