Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
