whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My bed smells like the plague
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
