I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
