it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You're a waste of cheezeits
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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